2011?

Where has all of my time gone?! I feel like time has passed way too fast and yet it is not moving by quickly enough. I moved from Skagway to Utah. I never imagined me living in Utah in a million years but sometimes God has different plans than I do. It is cold here and it snows a lot which can be annoying to drive in. I miss my warm familiar Arizona. It will be a long time until (if ever) I move back there. That makes me sad. It was my home and now I am thrown into the unfamiliar and practically friendless SLC. I recently got a job which makes things look up a little bit. Hopefully I will be able to make more friends when I start going to a student ward. I just get so bored at home all the time. I miss living in Thatcher where I could easily hangout with friends that all lived right there. Not that I dont love my family but it is hard not having friends to see every day. I did not realize how much of a social person I was until now. I always used to think I was rather unsocial and to an extent I kind of am but not to the degree I am forced to live with right now. I just want to plan my life out which can be difficult when I cannot foresee what my future holds for me. I need something to do to distract me all of my downtime otherwise I think too much or sit there and do nothing.

Skagway Adventure

I made it to Skagway safe and sound. It is so incredibly beautiful up here in Skagway and I wish that everyone had the opportunity to experience all that I have thus far up here. I still have so much to do in the two remaining months here and I hope I can check it all off of my list. I am grateful to be able to stop watching television and I hope that when I return home that I will not watch it very often. There is so much to do and spending hours in front of a screen does not need to be one of them. My life has changed so drastically since I have been up here. Never would have I imagined the person I could become and how much my life would change in just a few short months. The Lord has blessed me so much it is difficult to express my full appreciation and gratitude for all the He has done for me. I am moving in directions I never would have foreseen and I am looking forward to what else the Lord has in store for me. I will go where you want me to go Dear Lord.

Skagway and My Future

As you can see by my countdown above, I cannot wait to go to Alaska this summer. I am older and wiser and able to stand on my own just a little bit more than the last time I was there. I will be living in an apartment this year and not with family. I love them but I think this will help me be more social this year and hopefully stay out of a depression. I am so done with school! I absolutely hate living in this yellow house. Everything goes wrong in it and there is nothing that I can do about it. Next year I will most likely be living in the Howard apartments when i return to Thatcher with wonderful people! Just a few more weeks until I am out of here! Hopefully I will be able to save some money this summer so that I can buy a car and get a job next school year when I return in October. Skagway is so beautiful and I look forward to surrounding myself with the lush green so soon!

I am not sure that I want to go to school after my associate degree. It gives me stress and panic that I just don't need in my life. I will be so proud of myself for getting any degree at all. Maybe I will move somewhere cool and get a job at a place like REI and eventually work myself into management one day? Who knows, there is so much opportunities in life and I cannot wait to see where they take me.

Easter Morning

There are some that make fun of religious events. This makes my heart sad. Posting Happy zombie Jesus day is not funny. I am sad for you. Here on conference morning there are those choosing good decisions and those that are not. I find the opposition in everything so interesting. I saw the Easter Pageant this last Friday and I was shocked at the little amount of protestors at the temple. The foundation of righteousness stands strong. My heart weeps for my friends that I see going down the wrong paths. I am not perfect and I know that but I am trying. Can't you see that your choices are snowballing for the worse? I am trying to choose the path least chosen. I want to be better. Lord please help me to choose the right and to be an example and means for others.

This is War

So this is the time of year where everyone starts freaking out because it is bathing suit season and they all want to look like models. Well when it comes down to it not even the models really look like how they are pictured in the media. I feel like everyone is always concerned about being thin and tan. I think about it sometimes but then I realize that it is just not reality for me. I was born white and with the genetic makeup to have curves. True I could probably loose weight but would I be doing it for me or to have the perfect image? Why are people complaining about having 5 lbs of a little extra weight on them or having cellulite, which most girls do! Is everyone doing this for themselves or so they can unrealistically impress people? If they are trying to impress people, is it someone that cares only about looks? Do i even want to try to have a perfect swimsuit body? Would I be comprising who I am just to look good for other people? Gah! I hate feeling like this but it happens to me every year. Why do I care?!

All Grown Up?

I am so confused about growing up and how to do it. I am 20 years old and I know that is not that old for some but I feel like I need to have everything figured out on my own by now. Some people do so why don't I? I feel like I should know what to do in every situation in my life and how to handle my feelings properly. I should know who I am by now and what I want to do with myself but alas I HAVE NO IDEA!!! Where is that person that tells me what to do to better my life and how to live it happily and righteously? Who do I turn to? It is not like I don't have friends that I can turn to and I frequently do but sometimes I am just so confused and afraid that no one will understand or be able to help me. And I know I should turn to prayer but sometimes I just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is alright and will turn out for the best. It is hard for me to accept help so that makes it harder to ask my friends who are more than willing to help me. Where is my mindreader that just knows that I need help?

So Much To Do

I am planning for this summer and trying to work out the details of simply living. I would like to get to the point where I am self sufficient but it feels like that is so far away. I need to figure out where I am living next school year and what I am going to take in school. Then I have to decided what I want to do with myself after I get my associates degree. I don't know if I want to try for a bachelors degree but I know it is the smarter option. I just hate school so much. What do you do when you are torn apart on the inside. I have many choices to make in life. Sometimes it feels like it would be easier to be told what to do but that completely goes against everything I stand for.

I am starting spring break right now. I just had my last class which had the only midterm I have this semester so we will see what I get. I did not study as much as I should have but hopefully I didn't fail. I need to take school more seriously but it is hard for me to do. Then I think about it and I wonder if it is really easy for anyone. I am going to go enjoy my spring break and go pack for the renaissance festival and the rest of break. How fun.

P.S. My fish Disco Pete died a few weeks ago...am I turning into Mary Ann!?! jk